Cosmic Cantina

Cheap, bland food; pleasant atmosphere.. Cosmic Cantina offers cheap, huge burritos. You could split one with a friend, or, if you finish one yourself, be completely stuffed. You can alter yours to be vegetarian or vegan. They taste OK, nothing special. And if you care about authenticity, forget it. But it can be a nice, affordable place to come with friends or provide a cheap and filling meal. The restaurant is on the second floor, and the inside is kind of dark and the music kind of loud. But the outdoor seating is this enclosed balcony space that's very pleasant. It's away from the noise of cars, and there are vines climbing on the brick wall, and you can hear birds and look at the sky. It's a good place for the local high school and college students.…

Condemn as a foreign policy gesture. The Cosmic Cantina is a sham, a travesty, an abomination and a crime against humanity. The restaurant (does it earn that title?) should be condemned as a gesture to our neighbors to the south. I've had some terrible imitation Mexican fare in my day; this is the worst, and that's saying something.

The food here is so bad and remarkably unappetizing, I have often wondered how the place manages to stay in business, let alone retain a FIVE STAR RATING (WHAT?) on sites such as these. I then realized that its patrons have never been west of the Mississippi and couldn't discern cochinita pibil from bu?uelos.

If anything, the Cosmic Cantina could be commended for attaining previously intattainble levels of Bland. I mean it, there is not a single ingredient inside those hell-begotten doors above a "Smartee" on the flavor-scale. The Cosmic Cantina would attend a Nickelback concert if it could.

I wish this rating system allowed zero stars.…